Hot Pockets
by Akakabuto
Summary: Krieg loves hot pockets.


"There's been a bit of a disturbance with bandits in Three Horn Valley." Axton explained, pointing to the map, even though everyone in the room knew where the area was. "I doubt it would take long. Just to check it out, kill a few, scare the rest. Nothing big, but there's a reward, which is what matters." He glanced around at his team mates, who were nodding in agreement, about as interested as he was. There hadn't been anything of interest going on lately.

"Hold on- where's Krieg?" Salvador noticed suddenly, sitting up from his relaxed position on the couch.

"Probably fucking some poor skag somewhere." Gaige offered with a laugh. "Is there anything that guy won't stick his dick in? He's almost worse than Axton."

"Do keep in mind, he's rather more animal than man." Maya explained without looking up from her book.

"Who, Axton?" The two women began to giggle and Axton cocked a brow.

"It is true, Gaige says. The psycho has been missing, for a long while now." Zer0's mask lit up with a question mark. As he finished, the door to the room opened and Krieg entered.

"Hey Krieg, ol' buddy ol' pal, where ya been?" Gaige kicked her legs from her perch on the table, grinning. Krieg said nothing, surveying the room slowly before approaching the freezer and opening the door.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room. Krieg wasn't even growling or groaning, something he was prone to do when he wasn't screaming. Everyone watched him curiously at this new development, all thinking similar thoughts. Was he growing saner? Is this just as really good day? Is he dying?

Krieg finally removed what he was looking for from the freezer- a single hot pocket. He then walked to the microwave, setting the hot pocket inside and deliberately punching in the numbers and letting the microwave run.

He turned around at this, watching the room in silence still, visible eye barely blinking.

"He knows how to use the microwave?" Maya whispered to Salvador, who shrugged, completely bewildered.

For two and a half minutes, the only sound that filled the room was the buzz of the microwave as the hot pocket spun around and around.

Finally, it beeped loudly, and Krieg took the steaming hot meat pouch out of the microwave, holding it surprisingly gently in one burly hand, as some of the innards leaked out. He took one bite out of it, swallowing it with barely a chew.

With his other hand, he reached down to his pants and shuffled him down his hips until he was free to pull out his cock. Nobody could move, only stare in shock and wonder what was to happen.

All while maintaining eye contact, Krieg began to rub his member, causing it to grow hard in his hand. Then he lowered the still-steaming hot pocket to the tip of his shaft, and thrust himself inside.

He was fucking the hot pocket in front of them all, all the while staring at them. Unblinking.

The meaty juices were running down along his shaft and dripping to the floor. The occasional chunk of meat did as well, or a glob of cheese hanging precariously, swinging with every thrust.

With a final thrust, Krieg apparently finished inside the hot pocket, not a sound from him, though his chest was coated in sweat and flushed.

Then he removed the hot pocket from his dick, the latter flopping messily against his pants. He removed his mask and devoured the food in one bite. It was impossible to miss the meat juice and white substance leaking from his mouth and dripping from his chin as he chewed, his nostrils flaring. He swallowed after a few long moments of chewing, letting out an audible gasp.

Still, no word was said by anyone, though most jaws were open in amazement.

Then, just when they were hoping it was over, Krieg fell to the ground and grasped the undersides of his knees, pulling his crotch towards himself until he could slip his hot-pocket-juice-covered dick into his mouth.

The sound of slurping filled the room as Krieg noisily cleaned the juice from his cock.

"Sweet holy mother of god." Axton uttered without moving, his hands tense as if he dearly wanted to stop the show, but simply couldn't.

Finally, his member clean of any remnants of the hot pocket, Krieg got to his feet and put his mask back on. With one last, long stare around the room, he sauntered out, shaft still flapping outside his pants with loud smacks.

The smacks were heard until Krieg was far enough away, and the room was still. Nobody was sure how to proceed after that.

"We're never buying hot pockets again." Maya whispered, her eyes staring at a point on the floor, her hands shaking.

"I've never seen a man so eager to consume his own semen." Axton finally broke the silence, a hesitant smile on his face.

"You should see him with _my_ semen." Salvador burst into a massive laugh and everyone flinched in horror.


End file.
